I’m in the midst of a heated conflict with my mother and brother, and neither is speaking to me. Our issues started when I told my brother, who was visiting for the weekend, that he couldn’t come over at 12:30pm, because our boy was napping. I guess he didn’t have nap schedules when he was raising his boys 18 years ago, because he didn’t get it.
He was extremely offended, complained to my mother, who then took his side and told me I was rude. And the family drama began … I then yelled at my mother for taking his side and not understanding our situation with a toddler, and the drama turned into World War III.
My mother is like Putin, Trump and Castro rolled into one. Growing up with her wasn’t easy. If you did something she didn’t agree with, she put you down and basically fired you from the family. Like when my brother dated a woman she didn’t like, or I challenged her strict rules or my dad brought home melons that weren’t sweet. O.K., maybe I exaggerate about the melons. However, my mother threatened to disown me just about every other week growing up. She was one tough lady.
She’s almost 80 now, is as strong as they come and our relationship is still rocky. However, she adores our little boy and so we try to keep our focus on him.
Only at 42, she’s disowned me. Sure, I can grovel and apologize, like I always do. Or I can just remain mother and brother-less.
Of course, I was an emotional wreck about our conflict. I felt intense feelings of hurt. Our fight brought up all the pain I went through growing up. I felt like there was something wrong with me. “What is about me that I can’t get along with my family?” I blamed myself then I blamed my family, then I blamed Putin. None of it made sense. I couldn’t eat, though I did down a red velvet cupcake at our local bakery. That was good!
Even though I was in pain, I knew it would pass. Our feelings come and go, but we always remain at peace, is what I reminded myself. Our essence, our presence is always there, never effected by our thoughts and feelings. Our presence is who we really are, and it doesn’t react to anything going on. When we identify with our presence and not our mind, those feelings don’t impact us as much. I knew I just had to wait it out and let my feelings pass. It’s happening…
I still haven’t spoken to my family. I’ll eventually call my mother and brother and work this out I’m sure. But I need a little time for the dust to settle. For now, I feel better about myself and more positive about the situation — even with out another cupcake. That’s Progress.